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February 9, 2014 |
| Real Love is Real Hard | ||
We love to read about what love is in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. […]
All of that is true and good but the whole truth is that sometimes it is really hard to live that life of love and that's what we will look at in this lesson.
I've heard a story that I have no reason to doubt. A woman woke up one night to see a small blue light moving across her room. From that light she felt a love that was far purer, stronger and deeper than anything she had felt before. She now says that she would give up everything she has to feel that love again.
God is love. But God is a greater love than we have known. The love we have in our lives is a simple kind of love compared to God's love. Even so, we have trouble living in that simple love that we do know.
The good loves we have for each other are the love of children for parents, of parents for children, of friends for each other, and of lovers for each other. We experience these loves in the various relationships in our lives, loving one person in one way and another person in another as is appropriate. But I believe that God's love for us is not divided like that. He loves each of us with a whole love that is all of the types of love that we know and more and deeper.
We aspire to that love but it's a tough standard to meet.
One thing that makes love difficult is dealing with people who are not living in love. The Bible is very clear that we are to love the sinner but hate the sin. We see this concept described in Jude 1
22 Be merciful to those who doubt; 23 save others by snatching them from the fire; to others show mercy, mixed with fear-hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh.
Jude is using artful terms to describe hating all the evil things that people do so that we don't get caught up in them. Yet we know we are still to love every person just as God does.
But that's hard. How do we think of a people as being two pieces, a persons we love and the other part being all the evil things they do, which we hate. Our eyes see each person as one complete being. So, it is natural to think of the person as a whole. In the case of a person who does evil things we see the evil things done as an expression of the evil that is within them - so we naturally want to hate both the things done and the doer. But this is clearly wrong.
So with that in mind we'll look at some cases where it is hard to separate the loved person from the hated things he has done.
No good parent wants to discipline a child but sometimes discipline is required. As mentioned it is necessary to see the child as a person to be loved. Thus discipline must be a love reaction and not a reaction of any other kind. It must be done in love with the intent of building up the child.
But it's very easy to react out of anger, ego, or even fear. Perhaps the child has done something specifically to anger the parent or perhaps the anger results from frustration that the child is continuing to do something wrong. That frustration can come out of the adult's ego when the adult feels that his superior advice, wisdom, and love are being rejected. These are not love.
It's also possible to react out of anger driven by fear. Perhaps the child has done something very dangerous and almost been hurt while with the adult. That can cause a reaction that is not from love.
All of these emotions we feel so strongly can override the love we have. Therefore good discipline begins with self-disciple. The adult must learn to hold off the reaction to the emotions of the moment until the love can come shining through again. Usually in a few seconds we can return to that loving viewpoint again - which is why some people advise counting to 10.
With practice we can get better at regaining control. With practice, over time when we begin to feel those emotions of anger building up we can be quicker to pull back from them. Our lives usually provide us with lots of opportunity to practice this self discipline. That may be a good thing because it takes time. Self discipline, though, benefits all aspects of our lives.
Much of what we've covered about discipline applies to adults working as supervisors of other adults. The only real difference is the methods used to discipline. Even an adult employee can do things to anger his supervisor. Again, self discipline is required so that the response will be done in love.
Real Love is Real Hard. Discipline others as you would have God discipline you.
True forgiveness requires love. In fact forgiveness should be the instantaneous reaction of love. Forgiveness doesn't mean that discipline isn't required. Discipline is purposed toward building up the offender. Forgiveness is purposed toward restoring the relationship. Forgiveness lets the forgiver begin to heal.
Forgiveness should not wait for repentance. If the offender is never able to repent, the lack of forgiveness on your part is only going to make your life worse. Forgiveness is for the forgiver as well as for the forgiven
If a burglar breaks into your house and steals some stuff you really have no choice but to forgive. The odds are that you will never see that person or your stuff. The stuff that was taken may have been very valuable to you, either financially or sentimentally. Even so, forgiveness is necessary for you to move on.
If a drunk driver kills your spouse in a car wreck there is nothing that can be done to get your spouse back. We've already talked about discipline and that would certainly apply here. We'll talk about justice and vengeance later, but for the moment we are talking about forgiveness.
When the loss is as great as this, forgiveness is very hard. That's because the love that is required for forgiveness is hard to find. None the less you must find it, for your own benefit and for the drunk driver if he asks for forgiveness.
Sometimes people do unspeakably cruel and horrible things to people or even groups of people. If we are one of those people or close to one of those people, we must find the love necessary to forgive.
Another reason we need to forgive is because people who have done such horrible things sometimes go to God in repentance. You know that God will forgive them and they will never suffer for the things they have done. It may seem unjust that a person who has done such great evil will never have to pay for it. But remember that you were evil once also and you too have been forgiven. Also, you don't want to be in a situation where God has forgiven someone but you haven't.
Remember what Jesus said as they nailed him to the cross "Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing."1 This sets the pattern for us in forgiving others and it gives us a way to get to that point where we can love enough to forgive. If we can understand that they do the things they do because they don't understand the evil they are doing, that can help us to love them.
Just to make it a little harder, be sure you don't say you have forgiven someone if you haven't. Don't say you love someone if you don't. If the words aren't true they just make you a liar. Real forgiveness comes from real love which comes from deep in the heart. Don't forgive because you know it is the right thing to do. Forgive because you have the love to do so.
Real Love is Real Hard. Forgive others as you would have God forgive you.
Whenever someone has done something wrong to another person there is a need for justice, a need to do whatever is possible to right the wrong. But as we discussed earlier sometimes that isn't possible. Sometimes a thief can return what he stole but in the case where a permanent injury occurred or a life was lost, that can't be undone. The best that can be done is to do what's possible to reduce the costs.
So it was with God when man sinned against him. There was nothing that man could do that would undo what had been done. There is nothing man can give that God did not give to man. So man can offer nothing. Yet God would send his own son as the sacrifice that would pay that debt.
We need to be careful though that a desire for justice doesn't turn into a desire for vengeance. Vengeance is a desire to make the other person hurt as much as you hurt. Exacting vengeance is completely not Biblical. Romans 12 speaks about it specifically
17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"2 says the Lord. 20 On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Ideas like "fair is fair" and "give like you got" are not part of the Christian walk. Life sometimes has a way of making what goes around come around but it isn't your job to make sure it does come around. If it does come around to the person who started it, Paul says what you should do to him - lavish goodness and love on him.
Real Love is Real Hard. Demand justice from others as you would have God demand justice from you.
Paul was persecuted by the Jews almost everywhere he went. He was beaten, jailed, stoned, whipped and mistreated. What was his response? We see it in Romans 9.
1 I speak the truth in Christ-I am not lying, my conscience confirms it through the Holy Spirit- 2 I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. 3 For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my people, those of my own race, 4 the people of Israel.
What is he saying here!?! He is saying that he would accept eternal separation from Jesus if that would bring his people, the people of Israel, to God.
Who among us can say that in all truth - that we would give up our own salvation for any group of people.
Real Love is Real Hard. Love others as God has loved you.
Captain Sam Brown (then Lieutenant) was very badly burned in combat. His dietician in the ICU later became his wife. He is now running for a seat in the Texas House of Representatives
True love values what is good. It sees beyond the surface. It is not caught up on self or image.
True love does not value what the world values. Money, cars, houses, clothes, jewelry, and power do not attract it. It does not seek the approval of other people.
True love values the eternal over the temporal.
True love gives without expecting reward. It sacrifices for others. It would rather be hurt than to hurt another.
True love does what is right when everyone else is doing wrong. True love respects everyone from the least to the greatest. True love honors its vows and commitments.
Real Love is Real Hard. Love the good in others as God has loved the good in you
1 Luke 23:34
2 Deuteronomy 32:35